Whew!

This morning we explained to Alayna that I will be her mommy. She was thrilled and we all breathed a sigh of relief! She immediately started calling me mama and, this morning, while we were watching a Sesame Street DVD, she gave me two HUGE hugs! Again, I melted! The biggest indicator of her acceptance of having a mama and joining our family came when we returned for the afternoon visit. She had drawn me another picture. In this picture there were two houses, connected by a road. One was hers (and Baba Marta's!) and one mine. She had also colored and completed a maze where a little girl was walking through a field of flowers to her house where her mama was waiting. I asked Alayna if the little girl was her and she was coming home to mama. She said yes :-)

Alayna's picture

Finding her way home to Mama!

Although she has always been relatively comfortable with Toni and I, today she really came out of her shell. She sat on my lap, gave me hugs and always sat right next to me whenever we were playing. She sang for us again (she loves for me to record her singing and to watch herself when she is done. . .I promise to share once I am home) and she even showed us a little of her goofy side! She had us all doubled over in laughter many times!

This afternoon, at her request, we played beauty shop! I brought hair clips, a child-sized makeup kit and some nail polish (thank goodness for Toni's brother Alex who ran to the store during lunch and picked these things up for me!) and we did each other's hair, makeup and nails. We also completed a few more necklaces and bracelets for several of her friends (who are also very excited that Alayna has a mama. . .every time they see her they ask what she and mama are doing). Maren is going to be in heaven having a sister who will love doing all of these things with her.

Alayna, skillfully applying her green eye shadow!

Mommy doing Alayna's nails

Alayna doing mommy's nails!

My turn for eyeshadow! Bright blue!

"This is great!" Alayna giving her thumbs up!

She continues to amaze me with how smart she is! Yesterday morning I showed her how to spell her name in English and she copied it beautifully. Today, she wrote it by herself without having to look! Wow! This girl is one smart cookie!

Alayna is such and amazing girl! It is going to be so hard to leave her on Friday, but I know that, once I am home, I will finally be able to start the final steps to bring my girls home!

Mommy and Alayna (yes, I am as exhausted as I look!!)

Why we do what we do. . . .

People often ask us why we adopt or why we have chosen to have the number of children we do at such a young age (26 and 30 for those who are curious). Simply put, who wouldn't want to be inspired and amazed every day of their lives (and, of course, we are NUTS. . .but we LOVE it)!? Because honestly, every one of my children inspire and amaze me each and every day. What a privilege and a blessing it is to be given the honor to know and associate daily with such incredible people. To see the world through the eyes of a child. . .amazing! To love as purely, completely and unconditionally as a child. . .amazing! To truly see people and not race, religion or (dis)ability. . .amazing! The scriptures teach us to "be like unto little children" and so, selfishly perhaps, I have chosen to surround myself with the experts! What greater teachers of compassion, faith, hope, charity and Christ-like love could there be!?

Why do I bring this up? Because everyday I have spent getting to know Lily and Alayna has been equally amazing! These girls are A.M.A.Z.I.N.G and I am truly humbled that I have been chosen to be their mom.

Today's visits with Alayna were wonderful. Although both visits were still supervised, the psychologist sat in the back of the room and only stepped in when Alayna or Toni addressed her personally, which gave me a chance to spend more one-on-one time with Alayna. We spent more time coloring (this girl LOVES to color and is very detail oriented. . .there is not a white spot on the page when she is done with it!). We also made necklaces for her and her friend, Sashka. What she enjoyed the most today however, was looking through her photo album! Once she had looked through it several times, she asked me if I had more pictures. At the time I didn't have any with me, but during our break between visits I downloaded all of my Facebook pictures to my computer and she spent the first half of our afternoon visit looking through all of the pictures on the computer. She LOVED it (I did too!).

Making necklaces

Mommy and Alayna looking at pictures from home!

When we were preparing to leave after our morning visit she told us that she would have a surprise for us when we returned. When we arrived at the orphanage this afternoon, she came into the room with a HUGE smile on her face and presented me with a picture she had drawn and some beautiful flowers! Again, my heart just melted into a puddle on the floor! Not only is she a fantastic artist, but her handwriting is incredible. She writes her name beautifully in Bulgarian and even copied it perfectly when I showed her how it was spelled in English. Let me tell you, nothing is going to hold this little lady back!

The picture and flowers Alayna gave to me. The house, she informed us, is Baba Marta's!

Alayna showing me the back of the picture where she had written her name (Her Bulgarian name is Tsvetelinka).

She sang for me again today (several times) and I was able to capture it on video (she is definitely not shy about singing in front of people). Unfortunately, it is taking forever for the video to upload, so I will have to wait to share that until I get home.

At the request of the orphanage director, Toni and I introduced ourselves as guests who had come to visit yesterday (the director felt it would be best to ease into telling Alayna that I am her mama and that she will be adopted. . . .Because there are several families in the process of adopting from the same orphanage, we didn't want to burn any bridges so we have gone along with this for now). Right now, she knows me as Valerie, the nice lady with the "magic bag" full of fun things! Tomorrow we are going to share with her that I am going to be her mama and that she will be coming home with us in a few months. I do not think that she is completely unaware of what is going on (there have been many adoptions from this orphanage, so the children likely know why I am here), but I am praying that this will be good and welcome news for her. The transition from an orphanage to a family is likely to be very difficult for her, but I am praying that she will take the news well and be excited about the thought of joining our family. Your prayers, as always, are greatly appreciated!

Chestita Baba Marta!

First and foremost, please allow me to introduce:

ALAYNA JEAN RIEBEN

Isn't she adorable!? Like Lily, she is tiny, but she is so full of life and personality! We arrived in Lukovit this afternoon and went straight to the orphanage. The orphanage itself is a very old facility, but as soon as I got out of the van I could hear children laughing and that sound never ceased the entire time we were there. They may not have much at this orphanage, but the children are happy and they are loved.

We met with the director and two of the orphanage social workers first. They told us a little about Alayna and asked about our family. They shared their information and observations about Alayna and told us that they had prepared her for our visit by letting her know that she would have special guests today (they didn't want to jump right into adoption and mama quite yet, which is probably good)!

Today is Baba Marta, a Bulgarian holiday/tradition to welcome in Spring. A celebration was planned at the orphanage and we were invited to attend. The celebration took place in the gym and it was decorated with balloons and martinitsa. All of the children at the orphanage attended and it was wonderful to see them all laughing, playing and celebrating together (let me tell you, these are some incredible, incredible kids). Several of the children (including Alayna) had memorized poems and narratives explaining the holiday and its traditions.

All of the Martinitsa I collected today!

After the celebration had concluded we were taken to the room we would be using for our visits with Alayna. A few minutes later she came into the room and we introduced ourselves (we had talked to her briefly during the celebration, but no formal introductions were made). She asked if she could draw a picture and so I retrieved my coloring books and crayons from my "magic bag." They psychologist was also in the room with us (and will be for all of our visits. . .orphanage policy). While she was coloring, several of the other children kept sneaking into the room and managed to sweet talk their way into the "magic bag." About halfway through the visit, the orphanage director and one of the social workers joined us, so we had quite an audience for our first visit! Slightly overwhelming :-)

I spent most of this first visit observing and I am already head over heels for this beautiful little girl. Despite the number of people in the room and the fact that Toni and I were strangers (and that I speak a foreign language), she never seemed overwhelmed. She counted to 20 for us several times and even dazzled us with her math skills (math is her favorite subject). The psychologist even convinced her to sing for us (and it absolutely melted my heart). She is very focused (she was completely engrossed in coloring and didn't miss a single detail on the page), incredibly smart and determined. Her physical limitations (scoliosis, absent right fibula and contracted right knee) are her only special needs.

(Engrossed in her work (She named Strawberry Shortcake, "Doll" and told us that she was dreaming of love. She further clarified by telling us that love meant getting married! She and Maren will get along well!)

I look forward to spending this week getting to know all about her! Today I took more of a back seat, which was hard because I was ready to jump right in, but I hope to have the opportunity to bond with her despite the language barrier and our constant supervision. There is no doubt in my mind that Miss Alayna is going to be a wonderful addition and blessing to our family.

Chestita Baba Marta!

Sofia

It appears as though the exhaustion of the past few years finally caught up with me yesterday! I went to bed at 10 pm Friday evening and didn't wake until 1 pm on Saturday. I cannot recall a time in my life where I have ever slept for so long, but it was a very much needed, much appreciated rest! Fortunately yesterday was a rainy and windy day, not very conducive to exploring the city, so I didn't feel quite as guilty for not getting out to explore!

It is a beautiful day in Sofia and, this morning, I had the chance to go to the city's center and see some of its most popular attractions.

The following is the St. Alexander Nevsky Cathedral, one of the largest Eastern Orthodox cathedrals in the world. My pictures certainly do not do it justice (if you click on the link above you can see more pictures and read more about its history)! The inside of this church is absolutely breathtaking (unfortunately no pictures are allowed inside the cathedral so you will just have to take my word for it). The choir was singing while I stood inside and their beautiful music filled the cathedral. Every wall (and ceiling) is covered in beautiful paintings depicting the life of Christ and the atmosphere inside is one of complete reverence.




This is the St. Sofia Church, one of the oldest Eastern Orthodox churches in Bulgaria:
Next is the Russian Church, also known as St. Nikolai (again, much better pictures and history if you click on the link). This church was built in 1914 and was named after the Patron Saint of the Emperor who ruled Russia at the time (Nicholas II).


The following statue depicts Russian soldiers who helped to liberate Bulgaria from the Ottoman Empire in 1878. On March 3rd, Bulgarians celebrate Bulgarian National/Liberation Day. The day they were finally freed from Turkish rule.


This is the St. Cyril and Methodius National Library.

In front of the library you will see many vendors. These vendors are selling Martinitsa (red and white yarn adornments, given to family and friends to wear as a way of sending off Winter and welcoming in Spring). Tomorrow, March 1st, is Baba Marta (the official name for the holiday. . .its translation is Grandmother March). People wear the martinitsa until they see the first signs of Spring at which point many people hang them in the trees (I saw many martinitsa from previous years hanging in the trees as I walked around). This is a tradition that we hope to implement in our family as well!

Sofia is a beautiful city, rich in culture and history. Although my time in the city is limited, I have greatly enjoyed drinking it all in! We will be leaving Sofia early tomorrow morning to head to Lukovit, where I will meet Little Lady #2! It has been a year since I first saw my sweet little girl's face in a picture and I cannot wait to finally hold her in my arms and get to know the amazing little person behind that picture!

Bittersweet

Today was my last day with sweet Lily. Our time today was bittersweet. Today was the birthday of a little boy in her group and there was going to be a party to celebrate. She didn't want to miss it and so she came to me this morning crying. She cried for most of our visit (she thought she was missing the party), but the sweet part of our time together was that she came to me and allowed me to hold and comfort her while she cried. Generally I do not like to see my children sad or hurting and Lily is no exception, BUT it was wonderful to be the person she came to for love and comfort. I held her, rocked her and rubbed her back while she cried and, despite her unhappiness, it was a wonderful bonding moment for both of us.

Fortunately, Lily did NOT miss the party! When it was time, her caregiver came and invited us all to join them for the festivities. They sang to the birthday boy, gave him hugs, kisses and some small gifts and then enjoyed sweets from the bakery, music, dancing and even sparklers. The smiles and excitement radiating from these kids was infectious and I had such a wonderful time playing, dancing and laughing with them. How wonderful to see that these children are loved and celebrated on their birthdays (that is not the case in SO many orphanages). And how wonderful to know that, when Lily turns 7 in a few weeks, that she will be celebrated as well (in her current home at the orphanage AND across the ocean in her new home)!

Once the party was over it was time for us to go. I hugged and kissed Lily goodbye and left her with her bear and photo album until I return to bring her home. It was hard to walk away and leave her there, but knowing that she is in a good orphanage where she is well loved and cared for made it easier (while I will miss her everyday at least I will not have to worry as much about her). I can't wait to get started on the next step to bringing her home.

We started on the road to Sofia as soon as we left the orphanage. Bulgaria really is an incredibly beautiful place and I was like a little kid with my nose pressed against the window trying to take everything in as we drove back to the city. We stopped at the half-way point to get something to drink and to put air in the tires. While we were at the gas station we were accosted by Gypsies (Roma) who wanted to tell us our fortunes. It was very interesting and, while Marty was being informed of all that his future would hold, I took the opportunity to ask Toni a little more about the Roma culture (I will share more about that in a later post).

We arrived in Sofia this afternoon and I am now settled in my hotel. The hotel is wonderful and the food, of course, is amazing (you were right Kelly, the chicken soup with lemon was FABULOUS!). Sofia is a fascinating city and I am looking forward to getting out and exploring this weekend. The following pictures were taken from my hotel balcony. The mountains surrounding the city are amazing. I wish I could get a better picture of them, but my camera just cannot do them justice!

Flat Stanislav offers his greetings from Sofia!

Frustrations

Today's visits brought a mixture of emotions, the most prominent being frustration. The morning visits are always difficult because there are constantly people coming in and out of the room to"check on us" (we really don't need to be checked on. . .Lily doesn't speak much, instead she uses gestures and those are generally universal. . if she needs something, I recognize it and can help her, or she helps herself. . she is very independent). Whenever someone comes into the room to "check on us" she thinks it is time to go and, once she gets something in her head, she wants to follow through. She will start waiving goodbye and packing my bag and tries to head back to her group. Trying to convince her otherwise or distract her is a difficult task and it leaves us both a bit frustrated. This happened no less than 10 times during our 2 hour visit this morning.

The most frustrating interruption was when the head nurse came in. We met her yesterday and she informed us that she was Lily's favorite (doesn't think much of herself does she!?). Today she wanted to illustrate that point so she bounded into the room about halfway through the visit, grabbed Lily (we were in the middle of playing a game) and started tickling, hugging and kissing her. I immediately got the feeling that she was trying to prove that Lily liked her better than me and that she was happy here in the orphanage (though I tried to tell myself that she really just wanted me to see that Lily is well loved and cared for. . .that interpretation at least made me feel less frustrated in the moment). When I shared my feelings with Toni, she agreed that she had gotten the same vibe and I appreciated the validation.

The afternoon visit started wonderfully. Lily was very interactive and we were enjoying playing together. She LOVES to look out the window at the cars and this afternoon it was raining so there was even more excitement for her out the window. I picked her up to let her look out and she allowed me to hold her for about 30 minutes (she doesn't normally stay in one place that long, so I cherished the opportunity to snuggle her for awhile). While I held her she rested her head against my shoulder and we shared some kisses and snuggles. It was pure bliss! While we were standing at the window the head nurse walked into the building. She saw us and she waved. I had a feeling that we would be in for another visit and sure enough, 15 minutes before the visit was over she bounds into the room again, pulls Lily onto her lap and begins to hug and kiss her (Lily climbed down as soon as the opportunity presented itself). She started telling us all about how they take the kids to the zoo and the playground when the weather is nice and that, on their birthdays, they get to go to the bakery and eat sweets. Normally I would think that she was sharing this information so that we would know how wonderfully the kids are cared for (and I am VERY grateful that they are. . .that fact alone will make it easier for me to sleep at night knowing that Lily is so well loved and cared for while we wait to bring her home), but with this woman, it was obvious that she was trying to send the message that Lily was doing just fine right where she was and that she didn't need to be adopted. Very frustrating.

The orphange in Stara Zagora is WONDERFUL and the caregivers really do love these children ,BUT. . . it is still an orphanage and, even if the children there are wonderfully loved and cared for, at some point they will be sent to institutions or will age out of the system and then what?? An orphanage is an orphanage and it is no substitute for a loving and PERMANENT home and family.

It is obvious that this woman truly loves Lily and I am sure the thought of her leaving saddens her, but I hope that she will rejoice in knowing that Lily will be equally loved and cared for in our family and in knowing that her future is secure. Lily is an incredible little girl and it is obvious that she has already touched MANY hearts with her sweet, spunky spirit. I really do feel it a privilege to have the opportunity to be her mama.

Tomorrow morning will be my last visit with Lily before we head back to Sofia for the weekend. I am sad to go, but anxious to get started on the next phase of this process so that I can get her home. Before I left home, Maren and I made bears at Build-A-Bear for each of the girls that say "I love you," in Bulgarian and English. I will be leaving that with her (hopefully it will remain with HER) along with a picture album and I do hope that her caregivers will tell her often that mama will be back for her soon.

It has been a wonderful week and I am looking forward to a relaxing weekend and to getting to know Little Lady #2 next week!

A wonderful kind of exhausted!

Today was absolutely exhausting. . . .a wonderful kind of exhausting. . .but exhausting nonetheless! Our day started a little earlier today because Toni's van has been having some trouble and needed to be seen by a mechanic. This van has carried her through many adoption trips, but it is nearing its end and has been having problems for quite some time. She is in the process of purchasing a new, more reliable van, but she is still waiting for the loan to be approved (our fingers are crossed for tomorrow) and so the old van is carrying us through this trip and it has been letting us know that it is not happy about that.

Marty (Toni's brother) dropped us off at the orphanage at 9 am this morning for our visit with Lily and then left to take the van to the mechanic. Unfortunately the van had not been repaired by the time our visit was over and so Toni and I sat on the porch of the orphanage and enjoyed each others company as well as the BEAUTIFUL weather. When it became apparent that the van would not be fixed prior to our next meeting with Lily, Toni's mom brought us some pizza and we sat on the porch of the orphanage enjoying our fine cuisine! As we sat on the porch we joked that we must look like orphanage guards and thought of requesting a days wages for filling the post all afternoon!

Toni (my attorney/facilitator) and I, enjoying pizza on the front porch of the orphanage!

We met with Lily again at 4 pm. Our visits today were wonderful! She is such a funny little girl and she keeps us laughing all the time. I having been bringing along a bag of cinnamon goldfish during each visit, but she has never been interested in eating them. Today she grabbed the bag, dumped them all out on the table and proceeded to feed them to ME (including the ones that fell on the floor. . .YUM)! Later she noticed that her lips were dry and were starting to bother her (she doesn't do much talking, but she was rubbing the dry skin on her lips over and over again). I grabbed my chapstick from my bag and put some on her lips. She immediately broke out into a HUGE grin, grabbed the chapstick and continued applying it to her lips, her cheeks and her fingernails and then walked up to the mirror and gave her reflection a big, approving smile! This girl LOVES her pretties! Speaking of fingernails, mine are now a lovely shade of green thanks to Lily, who "painted" them with a green marker this morning!

"Eat this cookie mama!"

"No really! EAT IT!!"

Lily playing with Toni's brother, Marty

Chapstick!

Pretty girl!

I have had several requests to share more about Bulgaria itself. I promise that is on my "To do" list! Truthfully, I have spent most of my time at the orphanage in Stara Zagora, but we will be heading back to Sofia on Friday afternoon and will be there for the weekend, so hopefully I will have a chance to do some exploring and to take lots of good pictures. Until then, the following pictures were taken from the "top of the city" where the orphanage is located. I am fascinated by this scene every time we drive by it. According to the orphanage social worker, most of the people that live in this neighborhood are Roma (also commonly referred to as Gypsy).

It is really hard to capture just how incredible this looks with all of these houses going up the side of the hill, but I am always riveted on this when we drive up to the orphanage each day.

People enjoying the GORGEOUS day!

To the left of this picture was a school and the kids were out enjoying the day as well.

More houses on the hill. What you can't really see in the picture is that many of these are run down or abandoned.

I think Toni would have rather I not posted this picture, but I assured her that we ALL have our trash piles, no matter where we live! According to the social worker, the Roma people in the neighborhood come and dump the trash from their carts in this area. Whether or not that is true, I am not sure, but this is what we were told.

Flat Stanislav at the "top of the city!"

All Kinds of Beautiful

It was a GORGEOUS day in Stara Zagora! The sun was shining and the weather was absolutely amazing! The only thing that could make an already beautiful day even more perfect was tucked away in an orphanage at the top of the city!

We arrived at the orphanage at 10 am this morning. . .an hour later than yesterday (because we did not need to meet with the director today) and apparently Lily noticed that we were "late." Her care giver explained to us that she began to cry and ask for Mama when we were not there first thing this morning. Be still my heart (though I have a feeling she was crying more because mama's magic bag of toys was not there first thing this morning)!! I also learned that she returned to her group from our visit last night and excitedly explained to her caregiver that mama had kissed her cheeks (you bet I did! Those cheeks are absolutely delicious)!

Both of our visits today went very well! This little peanut (as referred to by my facilitator's brother, Marty) is simply AMAZING!! Her mind is constantly going and you can just look into those big, beautiful, blue eyes and see the wheels turning. She LOVES trying to figure out how things work and she has already mastered the DVD player, camera and ipod. I have a feeling she may be an engineer some day! She is very observant and NOTHING gets past her. Let me tell you, this girl is one smart cookie. Today's visits were just another confirmation that her delays are strictly institutional (with her speech also being affected by her cleft palate).

Lily does not acknowledge "can't." If you tell her that something cannot be done, she WILL find a way to do it. I brought an I-spy bag with me (a bag filled with poly-beads and objects that you have to find) and she was bound and determined to get it open (it is sewn shut). She kept handing it to me to open and Toni (my facilitator) and I tried to explain to her that it could not be opened, but she did not like that answer. She pulled and pried and, when that didn't work, she grabbed a newspaper from a shelf, rolled it up and tried using that to pry the bag open!! Based on what I have seen, I already feel pretty confident in saying that, there will be nothing that stands in the way of Lily acheiving her dreams!

I continue to be impressed by how nice her orphanage is. It is not just aesthetics (although the orphanage itself IS very nice). She is very well fed, she is always dressed nicely (in well-fitted, matching clothes. . . .Evan was always in clothes that were old, ill fitting and pieced together because that is all they had) her hair is always nicely done and her caregivers are very loving and attentive. All of the caregivers that we have met and talked with know a lot about Lily that would be impossible to determine in they had not interacted with her frequently. This evening, when our visit was over, Toni and I stood in the hall talking to two of the caregivers. Lily was with us and, as we talked, she and one of the caregivers were giving hugs and kisses and being playful with each other. It was obvious that the affection was mutual and not uncommon and that is absolutely fantastic. I am just very pleasantly surprised!

Needless t0 say, Lily has absolutely and completely stolen my heart. I know that it will be incredibly difficult to leave her on Friday (especially knowing now that she will be expecting my visits), but, as several friends who have already walked this part of the journey have reminded me, the sooner I come home, the sooner I can return and take her home forever!

Sorry there are not many pictures today! We did a lot more holding and cuddling today and I just wasn't going to pass up that opportunity!!

"Enough already with the camera mama!!"

This girl LOVES her electronics!

"Seriously mama! Get that thing out of my face!"

I am in LOVE!

Please allow me to introduce. . . .

LILYANA CLAIRE RIEBEN

Today was absolutely INCREDIBLE! Today, the picture that I have looked at hundreds of times over the past few months, finally came to life!

The day started early. We drove to the orphanage to meet with the director at 9 am. The orphanage sits on the top of a hill overlooking the entire city (or, as the director says, "at the top of the city"). It is the biggest orphanage that I have ever seen, but it is also the nicest. The buildings are in pristine condition. It is filled with toys (that are played with often), several therapy rooms (where children were in the process of receiving therapy during our tour) and the groups are small (there are only four children in Lily's group). The director gave us a quick tour of the orphanage and then directed us to the psychologists office where Lily was waiting for us.

When we (my facilitator and I) walked into the room, Lily was engrossed in a mountain of toys (she did not stop working through that mountain until it was time to go). The first thing I noticed was that this almost 7 year old beauty was roughly the size of a 2-3 year-old (29 lbs. 37 in.). I knew that she would be small (in addition to corrected cleft lip and palate, she has also been diagnosed with malabsorption syndrome which effects her body's ability to absorb nutrients properly. . .the cause is unknown at this point), but I was not expecting her to be as tiny as she is. However, despite her size, she is very healthy (she is little, but she does not appear to be malnourished). She is delayed for her age, but those delays seem to be completely institutional. Even the psychologist pointed out that her delays were likely caused by her lack of opportunity. Although she receives several therapies each week, the psychologist admitted that it was not enough. And, although her group is small, it consists of a little boy who is deaf, a little boy with down syndrome who in non-verbal and a little girl with cerebral palsy (so outside of the girl with CP, she has little opportunity for communication (which is where she seems to be most behind). Despite her institutional delays, she is incredibly smart (I mean, INCREDIBLY smart!) and you can just see the wheels turning in her head.

She was wary of us throughout most of our first visit (so most of the first visit I spent observing), but she was not afraid. The fact that she kept her distance initially is a very good sign. During the second visit she let her guard down a bit more and she played freely with me and even initiated contact by coming up and leaning on my lap to watch the opening of a Sesame Street DVD over and over and over again (we never got past the opening because opening and closing the DVD player was just a fascinating as the DVD)! Our visit this evening ended by blowing kisses and giving hugs (and my heart melting into a big puddle on the floor)!

In addition to being smart as a whip she is very strong willed (in the sense that she knows what she wants and how she wants it, but in a very calm and subtle away), independent and funny!
And can you believe those eyes!?! Yes, they really are that big and that blue and her eyelashes are at least a mile l0ng. In addition, those cheeks are just begging to be pinched (though I have practiced amazing self-restraint in that matter).

She is an AMAZING little girl and I am completely head-over-heels, in love with her already. She is going to have her daddy wrapped around her finger in no time as well! What an incredible blessing sweet Lily is going to be to our family. How am I ever going to be able to leave her at the end of the week!?!

And now for what you all really came here to see. . . .more pictures!

She has the BEST facial expressions! This is one of my favorites! We saw it often!

Lily LOVED the DVD player. She enjoyed the DVD that was in it as well, but she could not get enough of the buttons or trying to figure out how it worked!

LOVE those amazing blue eyes!!

She also LOVES music and this drum was a favorite toy during both visits today!

I have arrived!

I arrived in Bulgaria just after 1 pm (6am EST) this afternoon and am now in Stara Zagora awaiting my first meeting with Little Lady #1 in the morning! Aside from a slight delay in my last flight from Frankfurt to Sofia (the snow and wind are apparently following me around the globe), my travels were smooth and uneventful. I have not had much sleep in the past 48 hours and so I am completely exhausted, but I am hoping that might play in my favor and counteract the jet lag so that I can get some sleep tonight!

Bulgaria is BEAUTIFUL! As my final flight began to descend I was in awe of the breathtaking scene of small towns and villages, accented by terracotta roofs, nestled in the rolling hills. The drive to Stara Zagora was equally picturesque. Like the rest of Eastern Europe, old and run down buildings remind you of the history of this country, but the history is what makes it beautiful. I am looking forward to being able to experience so much of Bulgaria (Sofia, Stara Zagora and Lukovit) while I am here.

I am exhausted, so I will leave off here for tonight, but stay tuned! Tomorrow I will tell you all about my sweet little one, share pictures from our visit AND I will tell you what her name will be!

Until then, Flat Stanislav and I say "Chao!"

Flat Stanislav at the Frankfurt, Germany airport

Introducing. . . .

FLAT STANISLAV!!

(Sorry he's a bit blurry. There was a small person climbing up my leg while I was taking this picture!)

Meet Flat Stanislav! Dressed in his brightest and best (compliments of my lovely little people), Flat Stanislav will be accompanying me to Bulgaria and will help me to document my adventures!

Our journey will begin tomorrow afternoon at 2:30 EST, as we board the first flight on our way to Bulgaria. We will arrive in Sofia at 1:00 pm on Sunday (6 am EST). From the airport, we will drive straight to Stara Zagora. I will meet my first little lady on Monday morning!

Little Lady #1

We will spend the week in Stara Zagora and on Friday, we will return to Sofia, where Stanislav and I will spend the weekend relaxing and taking in the sights. The following Monday (3/1) we will drive to Lukovit where we will meet little lady #2.

Little Lady #2

We will spend the week getting to know her and will return to Sofia on Friday. On Saturday (3/6) we will return home and the final leg of our adoption journey will begin!

Stan and I will do our best to keep you updated every step of the way! We cannot wait to share this journey with you!!

And now. . . some Flat Stanislav photo outtakes :-)

This time next week. . .

. . .I WILL BE IN BULGARIA!!!! I will be leaving on Saturday (2/20) and will arrive in Bulgaria next Sunday afternoon! I received my travels dates two weeks ago (I know, I know) and I have been walking around on cloud 9 ever since. After a year in this process, I will FINALLY be meeting my girls! Preparations are well under way and arrangements for those staying behind (I will be making this trip alone) have fallen into place beautifully! I am so excited I can hardly stand it! I will be spending two weeks in Bulgaria (5 days with each of the girls) and will return home on March 6th. Bulgaria, here I come. . . . . .:-)

OFFICIAL!

Five years ago today I became a mom for the first, second and third time, all in a matter of about 90 seconds. That day changed my life forever.


This morning I received the news that I will have the opportunity to become a mom for the sixth and seventh time, to two beautiful little girls waiting for me in Bulgaria! That's right folks! Today we received our official referrals, which means I should be on my way to Bulgaria in about 3 weeks!! Hallelujah! Now. . .where are those suitcases?!?

Happy Birthday Maren, Lukas and Jacob! It is such a joy and a privilege to be your mom!

(This picture just makes me laugh! I'm pretty sure Maren's wish is soon to come true. . .she will finally have sisters!)

The front lines. . .

I think it goes without saying that, as you advance to the front lines of a battle, things become more difficult. That has certainly been the case as we have moved to the front lines of this adoption.

It has been a difficult week in the trenches of adoption. Truth be told, it has been a difficult year. But this last week really rattled me to the core. I arrived home from a trip to Shriner's in Philadelphia on the 8th, to an e-mail from our Bulgarian agency, informing us that Little Boy's birth mother had withdrawn her consent for adoption. We would not be able to bring him home. We were absolutely devastated by the news. It was the 11th hour (our dossier had been translated, authenticated and was ready to be submitted to the Ministry of Justice) and we were giddy with excitement to finally be moving to the next step of this process. The news that we would not be able to bring our little boy home was completely unexpected and it knocked us off of our feet.

Due to Hague laws, we may never know whether his mother took him home or if he is still in an orphanage, unadoptable and alone. That has been the hardest part. Not knowing. My hope is that his mother realized his ability despite his disability and she took him home to be with his family. But even if she did not, I have an overwhelming peace that Heavenly Father has a great mission and purpose for this Little Boy and there is no doubt in my mind that He is watching closely and lovingly over him.

We have asked our agency to keep us informed if he becomes available again as we would return for him in a heartbeat. Although we may never hold him in our arms, we will always hold him in our hearts and we are praying for him every single day.

Because our dossier had not been filed yet, the Ministry of Justice asked us if we would consider committing to another "third child." Our agency had just received the files of 16 new children and sent them for us to review. Maybe it was not coincidence that our dossier had not been able to be translated immediately upon receipt (it arrived in Bulgaria on November 30th, but translation was not complete until the first week of January) or that the Ministry of Justice was giving us the opportunity to consider another child this late in the game. There were several children that leapt off the page and immediately stole our hearts. I was ready to commit to bringing another child home, but, after much prayer and discussion, Richard felt that we should move forward to bring the girls home.

I was angry, hurt and confused. We were approved for three children, we had raised the money for three children, we had room for three children. How could we leave a child behind? I just couldn't accept that this was the Lord's will. I fought. . .hard. Then I learned a valuable lesson. Was it coincidence that our dossier had not been translated immediately, enabling us to commit to another child when we found out we would not be able to adopt LB? No, I don't believe it was. I think that the Lord had left the door open for us to choose. Richard (after much thought and prayer) felt strongly that we needed to focus on getting the girls home as quickly as possible. I agreed that we should, but how could we leave a child behind when we had been given the means to bring another child home? In frustration, I turned to the scriptures, hoping to find peace and answers. I was looking for a particular scripture as I thumbed through the New Testament, but what I kept stumbling across over and over were scriptures reminding me that "Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11). After stumbling across multiple scriptures with this theme, I realized that, what Heavenly Father's will really was for us, was that we move forward TOGETHER. Obviously He would support us in bringing another one of His children into our family if that was our decision and, of course, He would also support us if the decision was to move forward to bring our girls home. The most important thing is that we moved forward together. Once I had accepted that truth, I was at peace with our decision.

TOGETHER, we informed our agency to move forward with submitting our dossier. It was filed with the Ministry of Justice on Tuesday and we were informed that, if all was in order, our dossier should be reviewed on Friday and our official referrals for the girls would be issued. This had been the case with most of the other families with our agency, so we had no reason to believe that our dossier would not be reviewed on Friday (as long as the MOJ met to review it). By 10 am on Friday morning, I still had not heard from our agency and I knew that the news would not be what we had hoped. By 10:30 my fears were confirmed. The MOJ HAD met on Friday, but they had been unable to prepare our dossier in time for the meeting and still needed to update the girl's files, so our dossier had not been reviewed and the official referrals had not been issued. Another blow.

After "losing" three children and encountering delays (homestudy, USCIS, obtaining files, translation, submission, official referrals) at every step of this process, I was at my breaking point. How much more could I endure? I felt defeated. I just wanted to curl up in my bed and let the misery of the past week consume me.

Today, as I sat in church, I was reminded that, "If we allow them to, our trials will purify us rather than defeat us. They will teach us to have endurance, patience and charity" (Spencer W. Kimball). The last thing the enemy wants is for us to bring these girls home and he has certainly thrown some firey darts our way, but I CANNOT, I WILL NOT throw my hands up in defeat. I will endure, with patience, all of that is thrown at us, until I have those little girls in my arms because they deserve a loving home and family.

It has been a grueling week, one of the hardest of my life, but I have learned SO MUCH and I know that I am stronger because of the trials that we have faced.

We are on the front lines of this adoption my friends and victory is within our grasp. Please pray with us that our dossier will be reviewed this week and that our official referrals will be issued. Please pray that we will receive a travel date soon so that we can meet our girls and begin the final stages of this process. And please pray that we will be able to overcome any additional hurdles that are placed in our path to getting these little ones home. We appreciate your prayers more than we can express. We know that they are heard.

". . Peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." (Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-8)

I Believe

In Mark chapter 9, a man brings his son to the Savior, pleading with Him to cast out an evil spirit. ". .But if thou canst do anything," said the man, "have compassion on us, and help us (Mark 9:22)."

In response, the Savior said," "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."

"And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief (Mark 9:24)"

When we began this adoption journey in February, we knew that we would need to complete this adoption without incurring additional debt. (For those unfamiliar with the costs associated with international adoption, or for those interested in pursuing an international adoption, to adopt three children with special needs from Bulgaria, our overall expenses will be approximately $30,000). In the beginning, the task seemed daunting, but we knew that, with the Lord's help, we could accomplish our goal, and so we got down on our knees and asked our Heavenly Father for assistance.

We worked hard to set aside every penny that was not being used for necessities. We held garage sales, bake sales, sold handmade goods and anything that wasn't nailed down, we hosted our ipod giveaway and our silent auction. We were continually humbled by the generosity of friends, family and even strangers. Whenever the money was needed (agency fees, facilitation fees, USCIS fees, paperwork, medicals, fingerprinting, etc.), the money was there.

Several weeks ago (shortly after mailing our dossier), I sat down to calculate the amount still needed to complete our adoption. Although I was amazed at the amount of money we had been able to come up with thus far, I was overwhelmed by the amount still left to be raised, and I wondered if we would truly be able to complete this adoption without incurring additional debt. I once again found myself on my knees, asking my Heavenly Father for the faith to know that the money would be there and that we would meet our goal.

The following day I loaded the kids into the van and made the 10 hour drive to Philadelphia for Evan's doctor's appointment. When we arrived at the Philadelphia Ronald McDonald House that evening, the social worker immediately asked me if I could step into her office. I followed her, puzzled by her request. Once inside her office she handed me a black leather bag. She explained to me that, inside the bag was a Christmas Jar, given to our family by an annonymous donor. Because our family also keeps a Christmas Jar, I knew immediately what I would find in the bag. (For those unfamiliar with this Christmas tradition, a Christmas Jar is a jar where you place your spare change at the end of each day and at Christmastime, donate the contents of the jar, annonymously, to someone in need.)

Fighting back tears, I thanked her and took the bag and my children up to our room. Once inside, I opened the bag and pulled out the jar. Inside that jar was more than just someone's spare change. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I was overwhelmed by the generosity of this annonymous donor. What's more, I was reminded, once again, that our Heavenly Father is in all of the details of our lives and will provide all that we need, exactly when we need it.

I felt like the father who came to the Savior seeking healing for his son. "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." And, just as He has reminded me time and again throughout this process, He answered and said, "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."

We may never know the identity of the person who blessed us with their Christmas Jar, but we are deeply grateful for that gift and most importantly, for the reminder that our Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers and will bless us with all that we need, if we believe.

I believe.

Signed, sealed, delivered!

Well, I figured I had kept everyone in suspense long enough and it was time for an update :-)

Our dossier is complete and on November 24th, we packaged up our "baby" (signed, notarized, certified and apostilled) and sent it across the pond! It arrived in Bulgaria on November 30th and is now in the process of being translated and authenticated! We are hoping that it will be submitted and registered with the Ministry of Justice by the beginning of the year and that we will receive a travel date shortly thereafter! As was expected, time, that seemed to speed by like lightening prior to completing our dossier, has slowed to a crawl and each day feels like an eternity as we await news of when I might make the first trip. I am grateful to have the holidays to keep me busy (and they certainly have, which is why you have heard nothing but crickets chirping on my blogs), but no matter how busy we are, my babies in Bulgaria are never far from my thoughts. I am so anxious to finally meet them!