"All About My Mom and Dad"- A lesson about love

As part of our history curriculum the kids are learning to keep their own histories by writing in a journal regularly. At least three times per week I sit down with each of the kids and ask them about a particular topic. They narrate, I write, they illustrate. Aside from being a great keepsake (and hopefully a lifelong habit of journaling), it has been a wonderful opportunity for quality one-on-one time.

Earlier this week, I asked the kids to tell me a little about themselves. Yesterday I asked them to tell me a little about their mom and dad. It was a wonderfully sweet (and eye opening) experience to listen to them share their thoughts about their dad and I. With their permission, I'd like to share some of those thoughts. I should probably mention before I begin that we did our journal writing right before dinner which may account for the constant mention of food from every single one of them (I highly doubt it is because I am such a superb cook. . .I'm really not!).

Alayna: My dad makes fries and pizza. Sometimes he makes sandwiches for lunch. He vacuums. He takes me to the potty at night. He takes me to the park. He runs errands. My dad goes to work. Before he goes he gives us hugs and sings, "So Long, Farewell." He goes to the store to buy food. My mom takes me to Philadelphia. Soon I will get my prosthetic there. Sometimes she goes to meetings. She takes me to the potty. She makes breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. She takes me to the doctor. My mom loves me. She tucks me in at night. She makes gluten-free pizza. She cleans the house. She is helping me write my history.

Alexis: My daddy goes to work. He gives me hugs and sings me songs. He takes me to McDonalds. He takes me to the store. My mom goes to the store. Mommy makes breakfast, lunch and dinner. Mommy helps me with schoolwork and reads to me. She watches "Phineas and Ferb" with me. Mommy gives me hugs and kisses.

Evan: I love my dad. He takes good care of me. He helps me get dressed. He earns money. I love to run errands with my dad. I love my mom. I love her cooking. I love her because she takes good care of me. I love her because she helps me go potty. I love her because she helps me get dressed and she feeds me. She helps me do schoolwork.

Maren: My dad plays baseball with me. He takes me on errands. He makes yummy waffles on Saturday. He plays Hide-n-seek with me. He's in love with my mom. Mommy makes eggs, muffins and pancakes. Mommy teaches me math. Mommy helps me with my worksheets. Mommy gives me baths. I like to read and do school with mommy. Mommy makes smoothies. I love mommy and daddy.

Lukas: My dad is cute. He makes me smile. I love my dad. My dad plays with me all the time. He goes to work to earn money. My dad teaches me that sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. My mom is cute. She teaches me lots of lessons. I love my mom. I like to do school with her. I also like her cooking.


Jacob: I like my dad because he plays baseball with me. Daddy plays games with me. Daddy goes to work. He earns money and helps raise money for our babies. Mommy makes yummy pizza. She makes me smile (Daddy makes me smile too). She makes yummy homemade fries. I like to play games with my mom. I like to hang out with her too. She makes pretty things for our house. She says prayers with me.

Joshua was "too tired" to share his thoughts with me yesterday so I will have to share them another time. Lily isn't quite ready to narrate her thoughts yet, but she lets us know how she feels about mommy and daddy in other ways (she loves to look through picture albums and point out all of the pictures of mommy and daddy. . .this is HUGE for her).


It was very interesting to see what was important to each of our children. It was particularly interesting to see how much our older adopted children (who came to us at 3.5, 7, 7 and 8) focused their thoughts on basic necessities (food, clothing, toileting, hugs and kisses), needs that often went unmet in their previous situations (Evan especially). Our biological children (who have never had to go without the basic necessities) focused their thoughts more on activities, quality time and relationships.

What a blessing it was to get such an intimate look into how our children see us. As always, I am humbled by the simplicity of their unconditional love (and their willingness to overlook our MANY faults) and I am reminded that it is the little things that matter most to our little people. They are watching us ("Daddy is in love with my mom"), they DO listen to us ("My dad teaches me that sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do") and EVERYTHING we do matters to them! Once again, I tip my hat to my children for teaching me the most valuable lessons in life.

Friday's Fabulous Five

Last week (Thursday-Saturday) was our 4th Annual Adoption Yard/Bake Sale. Needless to say, I didn't have much left to give by Friday evening, hence the absence of last week's Fabulous Five. So, here are five things that have happened in the last TWO weeks that have given the Riebens something to smile about:

1. Like many of you who are claiming the Adoption Tax Credit (now refundable), we are STILL waiting for our refund (we filed our taxes at the beginning of February). We had hoped to use this money to fund our current adoption, but unfortunately, it looks like we are going to have to raise the bulk of the funds for this adoption the old fashioned way! For the past 6+ weeks, friends, family and even strangers have cleaned their closets and donated items to our 4th Annual Adoption Yard/Bake Sale which we held last Thursday-Saturday. Prior to the sale, we prayed that we would be able to raise enough money to get through the next steps in the adoption process. As things drew to a close on Saturday afternoon and we began adding the money we realized that we had raised the EXACT amount needed to file our I800A and complete our dossier! For those of you who are considering taking the leap of faith to adopt a child, but are worried about finances, let this be another lesson that, if the Lord calls you to it, He'll see you through it! We'd like to offer an ENORMOUS "Thank you!" to all who donated, shopped, helped and supported us in this endeavor!

2. I am happy to announce that, sweet Rieben baby #10 (previously "He-who-is-yet-to-be-named") now has a name! The name that we have chosen is one that has been pushing itself to the front of my mind for a long time, but because it has never been on my list of favorites, I have always casually pushed it aside. As I settled into bed one night last week, I found the name swimming around inside my head once again. The next morning, Richard poked his head out of the shower and asked me if I had considered this name (I had not mentioned it to him previously). The fact that the name had been on both of our minds and that we actually agreed upon it made it golden, but before we made it official I decided to see what the name meant. . . .and I laughed, realizing once again what a great sense of humor our Heavenly Father has! The name means, "Twin." No, the boys are NOT twins, but they are only a few weeks apart in age, share an extra chromosome and certainly LOOK like they could be twins and already, people are referring to them as "the twins." As a mother of multiples, this drives me CRAZY! At the same time, I recognize this name to be a beautiful reminder that these precious boys, though they did not share a womb, were meant to walk through this life together as brothers. So, now that you have all waited SO patiently while I have rambled on and on about this name, Rieben baby #10 will be known as. . . . .

Thomas Christopher (TC)

3. Just in case you didn't hear us celebrating this piece of good news around the world. . . .Alayna's second skin graft was a SUCCESS!!!! She is still taking it easy as the new skin settles into it's new home and puts down roots, but her chronic wound is officially no more and we could not be happier. We will be heading back to Philadelphia at the end of July for her first prosthetic fitting and are hopeful that she will have two feet on the ground and be running circles around us all by the end of the summer! Hallelujah!!!

4. While most of you were relaxing by the pool, playing at the park and working on your tans this week, the Rieben kids were hard at work. . . . .at school! We started school again at our house this week. Earlier in the year (as we were driving back and forth to Philadelphia every few weeks), we made the decision to follow a "year-round" school schedule. Not only does this accommodate our traveling better than a "traditional" schedule, but it has helped our children who are behind (Alayna, Lily and Alexis in particular) have more opportunity to "catch up," AND it helps us to maintain a more consistent schedule (which is vital for so many of our kids, adopted and biological). We have had an EXCELLENT first week and, although homeschooling 8 children does make me want to pull my hair out on a regular basis, it also gives me A LOT to smile about! Seeing my children get excited about learning and knowing that I helped to facilitate that love and excitement is incredibly rewarding!

A glimpse of our "school room!" (we found these desks on Craigslist and were able to purchase 10 of them for $75! What a steal! And it has made such a difference for the kids to have their own work space.)

We learned a little about archaeology in school this week. Today we set up our own archaeological dig site in our backyard.

Our site manager

Budding archaeologists

Our record keeper (Lukas would be a brilliant archaeologist. . .he is incredibly detail oriented and organized. He LOVED this activity!)

5. This week the kids and I started a project to benefit other adoptive families. It combines my love of creating beautiful things with my love for adoption AND my kids are an integral part of it! We're not quite ready to share all of the details yet, but we are SO excited for this opportunity to bless other families on their adoption journeys! As a sneak preview, these fun fabrics will be a part of our creations. . . .

Friday's Fabulous Five

Several years ago I started keeping a "joy journal." At the end of each day, I would write down five things that had happened that day that made me smile. I called them my "Fabulous Five." It is so easy to get caught up in the challenges of raising children that I was forgetting that the joy in motherhood often comes in moments and, rather than focusing on these moments, I was letting them pass me by. In the beginning there were days where it was really a stretch to think of five "fabulous" moments, but as I continued to look for those joyful moments of motherhood each day, I discovered that those things naturally became the focus of my day, allowing the challenges and frustrations to fade into the background.

It is also easy when blogging to focus only on the "big" events in life and to gloss over the little things that make day-to-day life so sweet. Beginning today, I would like to introduce "Friday's Fabulous Five," an opportunity to share with you a few of the joyful moments that we experience each week! So without further ado, here are a few things that have given the Rieben's something to smile about over the past few weeks. . . .

1. Last Thursday, my sister-in-law, Lauren and my brother, Ben, welcomed their first child into the world. Miss Kayden Paige entered the world at 9.5lbs and 21 inches (Lauren is my hero)! She is a beautiful baby and I cannot wait to get my hands on her!

Kayden Paige

2. With so much going on in the past few weeks, I have managed to get a little behind with the laundry, particularly MY laundry. When I went to get dressed last Friday morning, I discovered that I was out of clean jeans. . . .except for the "skinny" jeans tucked away in the deep recesses of my dresser drawer. Preparing myself for disappointment, I pulled out a pair, took a deep breath, stepped in. . . . .and pulled them right on! It was a GREAT day :-)

3. Last Friday, Alayna finally got her new glasses (she has needed a stronger prescription for quite a while and has been without her glasses for several months now). When she put them on she gasped and said, "I can see!!!" Then she turned and looked at me and said, "Mommy, I see you. . . .you have a little head!" She has insisted on calling me "Little head" ever since. It always puts a smile on my face.

4. Nothing relieves stress after a long week like a Friday night dance party (those of you who are LDS might recognize some of the songs. . .the CD is called "Popcorn Bopping'" and consists of jazzed up versions of many of the Primary songs. . .hilarious!)

5. Last, but DEFINITELY not least. . . .Last Friday we received word from Bulgaria that the Ministry of Justice (MOJ) had accepted our commitment application for two precious baby boys with Down syndrome! Surprise! Introducing #9 and #10:

Benjamin Daniel
(named after two of my amazing little brothers)

AND

"He-who-is-yet-to-be-named" :-)
(accepting any and all suggestions that work with Christopher as a middle name)

Knowing when to say, "When!"

Making complicated medical decisions on behalf of your children is never easy. Those decisions WILL alter your child's life (hopefully for the better) and consequently, yours as well. Making the decision to travel to Philadelphia to receive a higher standard of medical care for several of our children was NOT a difficult decision. When we made that choice over 3 years ago, we knew what it would entail, but we readily accepted the challenge because we also understood the difference it would make in the lives of our children receiving treatment and our family as a whole.

On January 27th, Alayna had her right leg amputated through the knee in Philadelphia. . . just three weeks after bringing Alexis home from Bulgaria. Alayna had been looking forward to this surgery since we picked her up from the orphanage in July. She was ready for a prosthesis and the chance to finally put two feet on the ground-the chance to walk and run! We never could have guessed at that time that we would spend the next 4+ months traveling back and forth to Philadelphia trying to heal a chronic wound caused by the improper healing of her surgical incision.

After 8 trips to Philadelphia, the healing of Alayna's wound had stopped progressing. It seemed we had reached a plateau and nothing we tried seemed to help. In addition, her pain was beginning to increase and it got to a point where I think she could feel every raw nerve ending across the surface of her wound (8cm long, 4cm wide). She was miserable.

Alayna was not the only one suffering from this prolonged healing process. After four months of traveling back and forth to Philadelphia, never truly being able to establish a firm routine, all of the kids were paying the price and it was evident in their behavior. The chaos was particularly hard on Alexis, who had very little time to adjust before being thrown into the whirlwind of traveling back and forth between home and Philadelphia.

As I sat in the waiting room at the pediatric dental office one day, watching my children struggle to control their emotions, listening to Alayna moan in agony because of her pain and reminding Alexis for the fifth time in ten minutes that it was not appropriate to sit on random strangers laps, I knew it was time to change directions. I wasn't being fair to my children and it was wreaking havoc on everyone. I made the decision right then and there that we would continue to seek treatment for Alayna's wound closer to home where we could be more aggressive with treatment and where we could establish a solid routine that would only be disrupted for hours at a time rather than days.

As soon as we left the dentists office I called our pediatrician and made an appointment for Alayna to be seen 15 minutes later. After examining the wound, our doctor placed a call to the general surgeons office at our local children's hospital (a doctor who just happened to specialize in burns and chronic wounds). Two hours later we met with the general surgeon to establish a new game plan and, less than 24 hours later, Alayna was in surgery for a skin graft.

Unfortunately, the first graft didn't take :-( Alayna's wound is located on the back of her right thigh and is under constant friction from sitting, laying down and even pulling her pants on and off, none of which promote healing. This is what caused her surgical incision to open in the first place.

Two weeks after her first graft (last Friday), she went back to the operating room to undergo a second skin graft. Although the first graft did not take, the wound HAD decreased quite a bit in size and the doctor felt much more confident that this graft would take. To increase the chances, a cast was also applied to her right leg to protect the graft site. We should know this afternoon whether or not this graft will take. . . . .

While changing directions in our treatment plan has certainly not been stress-free (far from it actually), it HAS allowed all of us an opportunity to spend more time focusing on establishing a routine that will help our family thrive as a whole and has also allowed us to focus more on the individual needs of our children (giving us the chance to move from "survival mode" to finally finding a "new normal").

When you have multiple children with significant special needs, it is SO easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of doctor's appointments, therapies, treatments and surgeries. It is easy to forget that, while those things are important and often vital, it is just as important to allow your children the opportunity to just be children. Sometimes you just have to know when to say, "when!" and I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father's guidance when it comes to making these life-changing decisions. He ALWAYS knows best!

We are still far from the finish line, but we can finally see the light at the end of this tunnel and, once we reach it, we will be taking a nice, LOOONG break!

The Readers Digest version

On January 1st I boarded a plane, bound for Bulgaria, to bring our daughter Alexis home. What I didn't realize then was that I was actually boarding the crazy train, destination not in sight :-) Since that fateful day, we have been on one wild ride. At some point I hope to go back and chronicle each adventure in detail, but for now, I give you the "Readers Digest" version of the last 4 months:

I spent January 1st-7th in Bulgaria, finalizing our daughter, Alexis', adoption. If you are just joining in on the fun, you can read all about it here.

Alexis and I arrived home on January 8th, which also happened to be Richard and Joshua's birthday (best birthday present ever, right?)! We celebrated a few days later, but unfortunately it appears that my camera was not invited to the party, because there is not a single picture in existence!

Daddy and Joshua (Easter 2011)

Doctors appointments, post placement reports, homestudy updates, playing catch up with school and adjusting to life with a new family member, consumed the next two weeks. If you're hoping for more details about this period of our lives you might want to start praying for a miracle because it was such a blur that I am having trouble remembering anything other than the fact that we all came out alive!

On January 22nd, our triplets, Maren, Lukas and Jacob, celebrated their 6th birthday! Can you believe that it was only six years ago that our adventures in parenthood began!? To say that the Lord has given us an increase might be a bit of an understatement ;-) Furthermore, can you believe that in just six years our tiny babies have grown from this:






Into this:




How I love this crazy trio of energy, intelligence, compassion, laughter and Christ-like love! More evidence of how much my Father in Heaven loves me!

On January 26th, Alayna and I loaded up the car and headed to Philadelphia for surgery. . . .in the middle of a blizzard! Everything was smooth sailing until we reached West Virginia, then the snow began. The next 10+ hours involved white knuckles, 30 mile per hour speeds and lots of adrenaline. At one point, we were even sideswiped by a semi (and I might have peed my pants just a little!). BUT, 13 hours after leaving home, we arrived at our destination, slightly terrified and extremely tired, but in one piece!

On January 27th Alayna had her right leg amputated through the knee and a tenotomy on her left foot (this is one of those topics that I plan to expound upon in the future, but remember, we still have 3 months of adventure to cover). Two days later she was discharged from the hospital and we began the trek back home, this time, in much calmer weather!

Alayna's right leg and left foot before surgery

Another view of her right leg before

Alayna's right leg and left foot after surgery

Less than 24 hours after surgery she is unphased and wishing I would leave her alone so that she could listen to her music

Two weeks after Alayna's surgery I returned to Philadelphia, this time with all 8 kids in tow, for a post-surgical follow-up appointment for Alayna, as well as appointments for Joshua and Evan. As I was changing the dressing on Alayna's leg the night before her appointment, I noticed that her incision had dehisced (that's fancy for, "the surgical incision had opened up"). Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) this was not the first time that we had experienced wound dehiscence, so I knew immediately that we were likely in for a real "treat"! After examining the wound, the doctor sent us home with the necessary supplies to apply wet-to-dry dressings 2-3 times per day and we scheduled a follow-up appointment for two weeks later.

The kids and I returned to Philadelphia 2 weeks later. The wound had continued to open but it WAS healing so I was given instructions to continue the wet-to-dry dressings and return again in two weeks.

Outside of the Ronald McDonald House of Southern New Jersey-Our home away from home

So, two weeks later, the kids and I returned to Philadelphia again. At this point the wet-to-dry dressings were not keeping the wound moist enough (despite how often I changed the dressing) and we had reached a plateau in the healing process. Several wound care specialists were called in to look at Alayna's leg and together we came up with a new plan. Unfortunately, this plan involved an extended stay in Philadelphia. What I thought would be a routine trip of 2-3 days had suddenly turned into 2 weeks. . . .by myself, with 8 kids, totally unprepared :-) Have I mentioned how much I love a good adventure!? Fortunately, Richard happened to be on a business trip in Washington DC and he and his dad spent a day gathering needed "supplies" that they sent with my mother in-law to drop off for us on her way to visit my sister in-law in New York (did you catch all that?).

We know how to make ourselves at home in small hospital exam rooms :-)

Truth be told, other than the initial stress of learning that we would be staying for 2 weeks, not two days and trying to figure out all of the logistics (specifically, managing all of our diet restrictions away from home (Lily (Celiac) is gluten and dairy free and Lukas (ADHD) is gluten, dairy, egg and refined sugar free), the kids and I had a great time. In the past 3 years, we have been to Philadelphia over 50 times and this was the first time we have ever had the opportunity to really experience Philadelphia. We had a blast doing it.

Two weeks after we arrived, we were given the green light to go home and, yep, you guessed it, return two weeks later. And we have lived our lives in two week intervals ever since (But don't worry, this isn't really anything new. Remember how I said we've been to Philadelphia 50+ times in the past 3 years?)!

Our most recent adventure in Philadelphia (some of you may notice a familiar face. . .that amazing smile belongs to Aaron Nalle, recently rescued from an institution in Ukraine, now changing lives with his incredible spirit and fantastic smile!)

Don't worry, our trips to Philadelphia aren't the only things keeping us busy. During the past 3 months we have also had 9000 other doctors appointments (closer to home, thank goodness), Richard has been on 5 business trips and is still in school part time, and Alexis fractured her arm during one of our rare three week breaks (Daddy+6 kids on a trampoline=not a happy ending).

Now, lest you think that the past 3+ months have been all trials and no smiles, let me assure you that we have had much cause to celebrate as well.

On March 13th, Lily celebrated her 8th birthday. This was her first birthday in our family and she loved it so much she is STILL talking about it!! She has also started attending school part time, and, after the initial adjustment, she is loving it (many more details to come on this subject later).


On April 28th, Alayna celebrated her 9th birthday. Unfortunately, we had to spend her birthday in the car driving to Philadelphia, but before we hit the road, we were able to start our day with gifts and a breakfast of double chocolate cupcakes. But the celebration didn't end there. The staff at the Ronald McDonald House of Southern New Jersey was waiting for her with a huge stack of birthday presents when we arrived that evening AND, when we returned home, she was able to celebrate her birthday again with her Nana (who she just happens to share a birthday and her love of all things chocolate with)!

Alayna and Nana celebrating life and chocolate!

Perhaps one of the most exciting developments of the past 3 months however, is that. . . . .EVAN IS WALKING!!!! That's right folks, Evan is on the move! In his own words, he is a "walking machine!"

A trio of "walking machines"! So proud of my incredible kids and all that they have overcome!

He finally received his new braces (KAFO's) in mid-February and he has been up on his feet ever since! He still needs to use his walker for support, BUT, just a few days ago he took his first completely independent steps! I have a feeling he'll be running circles around us all very soon! And to think that we were told (many times) that he would NEVER walk! Doctors! What do they know!?

Obviously I am leaving out a lot of details, but this IS the Reader's Digest version. I do intend to go back and fill in the blanks on many of our recent adventures because I do feel that it is important to share the things that we have learned and experienced over the past few months. It has been exhausting, stressful and, at times, downright overwhelming, but these experiences have also been the most rewarding experiences of my life and I have learned and grown so much.

The following slideshow is the Readers Digest version of the past 4 months in pictures. The song ("Falling Into You" by Caleb Rowden), aside from being one of my current favorites, serves to remind ME why I do what I do. "For ye are bought with a price: therefore, glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's" (1 Corinthians 6:20). My Savior ransomed me with His life and with His blood and so I give my life to Him by answering His call to love and serve the children that He has and will yet entrust to me. It is the most challenging thing I have ever done. It is the most worthwhile thing I will ever do. It is for Him.

We interrupt this prolonged silence. . . .

Yep. It has really been 3 months since my last post. I would apologize, but truthfully, I just needed a break; some time to process all of the ups, downs and in betweens of the past, oh, 3 years or so :-) But this silence has gone on long enough and I am here to break it with some truly joyful news.

Do you remember Dusty? My son, Jacob, had been a prayer warrior for sweet Dusty for a year, praying faithfully for him to find a family every, single day, when we decided to increase our advocacy efforts for him at Christmastime. While we worked to raise money for his grant fund, a wonderful family stepped forward and answered the Lord's call to bring Dusty home. They worked tirelessly to complete their paperwork and, in the process, experienced the many ups and downs that accompany the call to adopt. In mid-April they traveled to Dusty's country and I am happy to announce that Dusty is an orphan no more! Last Thursday, a judge declared Dusty (and his new sister, Sonya) an official member of the Hinz family!

I am embarrassed to admit that I am STILL working to finish Dusty's quilt, but I am almost there and hope to have it waiting for him when he arrives home with his new mommy and daddy in just a few weeks. There is still room on the quilt for the names of those who donated, prayed or advocated for Dusty and/or the Hinz family, so please let me know (ASAP) if you would like your name to be included. If you are just joining us in our efforts to help the Hinz family on their journey and would like to be a part of Dusty's quilt, there is still an opportunity!

The Hinz family is currently holding an iPad 2/iphone 4 giveaway to raise the remaining funds needed to bring Dusty and Sonya home. To learn more about how to enter their giveaway, click here.

I am also extremely happy to report that another little boy who is very near and dear to my heart will soon be joining his forever family. Just DAYS after we withdrew our commitment to Gage, a family stepped forward to bring him home. Not just any family, but a family who had JUST returned home from his country, his very orphanage, with their daughter (and Gage's best friend). A family who already knows and loves him! Words cannot express how my heart rejoiced when I heard this news. My heart still ached knowing that I would not be the one to wrap him in my arms and in my love and call him my son, but to know the he would be joining such an amazing, wonderful and loving family allowed my heart to heal. And, as a reminder of just how mindful the Lord is of me, He gave me the awesome opportunity to meet Gage's new mommy and daddy while I was in Philadelphia about a month ago. What a blessing and privilege it was getting to know Carolyn and David DeVowe and their precious new daughter, Madeline. There is no doubt in my mind that this is exactly where the Lord intended Gage to be!

On May 30th, the DeVowes will meet with adoption officials in Gage's country and receive his official referral and in just a few short weeks, Gage will be an orphan no more! Isn't our Heavenly Father AMAZING! Please keep the DeVowe family and Gage in your prayers as they travel to Gage's country to complete his adoption!

Obviously after 3 months of silence there is MUCH more to report. It is my goal, over the next few days, to bring this blog up to speed, so if you are looking for some entertainment, stay tuned! To say that the past 3 months have been wild and crazy would definitely be an understatement ;-)

Broken.

I am heartbroken. Devastated. Aching from the very depths of my soul. This morning we withdrew our commitment to Gage. In the 11th hour of his need, we are walking away. Leaving him to face an unimaginable fate if another family is not able to step forward NOW to bring him home because we could not follow through with our commitment. I feel wretched. Evil. Cruel. Selfish. I have failed this precious child, whom I love deeply, in his greatest hour of need and am leaving him to a fate worse than death. . . .the institution.

Why?

Because we cannot get there fast enough. In addition to encountering delays with our homestudy update (our state child abuse clearances are currently taking 3-4 months), it has become very apparent to us over the past few weeks that our children (specifically our girls) are not ready for both of us to leave them for a prolonged (and undetermined) length of time. When we made our initial commitment, the girls were adjusting beautifully and seemed to be quickly overcoming many of the hurts that they had experienced living in orphanages for 7 and 8 years. We felt certain that, by the time we were ready to submit our dossier for Gage, they would be well enough adjusted that we could leave them for a few weeks without major consequence. That changed when I traveled to Bulgaria and brought Alexis home. Old behaviors and insecurities began to resurface and, while we are slowly working through those issues and insecurities, we know that the girls need time to heal and fully adjust to our family as it is now before we introduce any more change.

Many people advised us to wait until Alexis was home before making our initial commitment. We understood the wisdom in that counsel, but also felt an urgency from the Spirit to move forward with our commitment. Now, 4 months later and with Gage literally out of time, we feel the same urgency to "step aside." It could be months before we are able move forward to bring him home and he does not have months. He needs a family to rescue him NOW.

This has been the most agonizing decision we have ever made and we have spent countless hours in prayer and deep discussion, trying to find a way to meet the needs of our children at home while still being able to follow through with our commitment to Gage. But in the end, we knew that we needed to love Gage enough to let him go and to give him the chance to find his forever family NOW.

I wish I could give him back the 4 months that he lost while he was on hold for our family. I wish that I had loved him enough 4 months ago, to follow the counsel of those who advised us to wait. At the same time, I cannot deny the power and urgency with which the Spirit spoke to our hearts to move forward. While I do not claim to know or understand the Lord's purposes in this situation, I pray that the purpose of our commitment may simply have been to hold him at the baby house until his forever family was ready to rescue him and I am pleading with our Heavenly Father to send that family NOW so that our precious boy never has to set foot in an institution.

We may not be able to move forward quickly enough to bring Gage home, but we will not leave him without a voice. We will advocate for our amazing boy until he is HOME with his forever family and, in an effort to ensure that finances are not a barrier to bringing him home, we will be launching a fundraiser in the next few days in the hope of raising enough money to provide him with a FULL grant (he currently has $9000 in his grant fund which covers his entire facilitation fee).

We will also continue to move forward with our homestudy update. We have received a firm witness that our family is not yet complete. While we are praying that Gage is home with his family LONG before we are able to move forward again, if he is still available when that time comes, we will continue to work to bring him home.

Please, please help us be a voice for our precious boy! He is literally out of time and he does not deserve to spend another day in an orphanage without the love of a mommy and daddy! Please raise your voices along with us to help us find a family for him NOW!

Alive and well. . . .mostly ;-)

Once again, I am sorry for leaving everyone hanging. After the jet lag, doctors appointments, visits with the social worker, homeschooling and finding our new normal, I find I have very little coherent thought left to offer when I finally have a chance to sit down at my computer in the evenings. While I am sad to say that my mental state at the end of the day hasn't really improved much, I have decided that I can no longer ignore your pleas for an update and so I simply ask for your forgiveness for the nonsensical post that is about to occur. . . .

I can still remember the very moment that I knew that we would adopt an "older child." Richard and I were on the first leg of our journey home after our first trip to Ukraine in 2007. There were several other adoptive families on our flight and all of them had adopted children between the ages of 5-13. I can still vividly remember the excitement, nervousness, relief and trepidation on their faces as they each began a new, scary, but wonderful, chapter in their lives. One little girl in particular caught my eye. She was 7 years old and joy absolutely radiated from every inch of her little body. As she bounced up and down in her seat while looking out her window, I watched her steal many happy glances at her new mommy and daddy and then place her tiny hand in her mother's and nestled into her side. That is the moment that I knew that, some day, we would adopt an "older child" too.

Fast forward three years. . . Alexis and I are sitting on the first leg of our journey home from Bulgaria. She is so happy to finally be going home that she cannot contain her joy and I cannot help but smile at her energy and enthusiasm, despite the fact that it is 5:30 am. As we take off she sits next to me, bouncing up and down in her seat, looking out her window, watching the sights and sounds of Sofia (and life as she has known it) fade into the distance. Every few seconds she steals excited glances my way and asks me when we will be in America. Then she puts her hand in mine and nestles into my side, so happy to finally begin the next chapter in her life.

Our journey home took 26 hours. All flights were on time and, despite the fact that Alexis didn't sleep a wink until our last flight (and consequently, neither did I), she was an amazing traveler and we had a great time! Unfortunately, when I checked in for our flight I was told that my carryon was over the weight limit and that I would have to unload some things into my checked luggage. As much as it pained me, my camera was one of the first things I had to unload (too many other travel essentials in the bag) and so I wasn't able to capture just how excited my little Bulgarian princess was. I was more than a little annoyed when we boarded that plane and I saw dozens of bags, much larger and heavier than mine, being carried on. If I hadn't been so tired, I might have remembered to pull it out of my bag before rechecking it in Philadelphia after going through immigration, but I am sad to say that I didn't. I'm still kicking myself for that one because the reunion of Alexis and her daddy at the Dayton airport was absolutely priceless. As soon as Richard stepped into sight Alexis yelled "Daddy!" and took off running towards him and he scooped her up into a huge bear hug. Boy was she excited to see her daddy (and I think the feeling was mutual)!

By the time we got home it was almost midnight and all of the kids were sound asleep in their beds. We debated letting them sleep, but decided that it would be better to wake them and introduce them to their newest sister. Alexis was especially insistent that she see Lily. Although Lily was a bit disoriented from being woken up, she recognized Alexis immediately and the girls gave each other a great big hug. By the time we went to tuck Alexis into bed, Lily was wide awake and her excitement was apparent.

By 1am, Richard and I finally turned in. . . .and by 5:30 am, everyone was wide awake and ready to get on with life as a family of 10 :-)

For the most part, the adjustment is going very well. I do find it interesting that, while this adjustment has been MUCH easier for Alexis than it was for Lily and Alayna, it has been a more difficult adjustment period for ME. I am sure that the fact that we have had to find a "new normal" twice in five months doesn't help. Or the fact that we had been out of our normal routine for several weeks (Christmas break) prior to Alexis' arrival. Or it could be largely due to the fact that January is always a crazy month for our family and January 2011 has been no exception (5 birthdays (Joshua, Richard, Maren, Lukas and Jacob), homestudy update, doctors appointments, post placement reports, school, and a major surgery in Philadelphia (Alayna-next Thursday. .I'll save the details for another post). Then again, sometimes it is simply due to the fact that I often fail to remember that 8 kids between the ages of 4-8 (6 with various special needs) is hard work and I need to cut myself some slack ;-)

Alexis is adjusting beautifully. She was obviously well prepared (the orphanage in Stara Zagora is blessed to have an amazing psychologist working with the kids) for the HUGE changes that would be taking place in her life and she has responded amazingly to having her life turned upside down and inside out! Of course, there are many deeply ingrained habits and behaviors that will likely be a "work in progress" for quite some time, but as I have mentioned before, Alexis responds very well to redirection and discipline and she is learning quickly. There is a BIG personality in that tiny body and she often rubs her siblings the wrong way (have I mentioned that she is bossy (regardless of whether or not you can understand her) and that her favorite method of negotiation is the "hit and run"), but again, she is quickly learning that is not the way we operate here and, consequently, relationships are improving :-)

Lily and Alayna have had the hardest time adjusting to their new sibling. Not necessarily because of personality clashes (they actually all get along quite well), but because Alexis' presence and hearing her speaking Bulgarian (and calling Lily by her birth name) reminds them of how life used to be. We have seen a little regression and recurrence of some previously abolished behaviors in both the girls, but we are working through those things and have made it a priority to address any insecurities or fears that this change may have brought to the girls. As we had anticipated, there is some jealousy and competitiveness between Alexis and Lily (and it goes both ways), but fortunately, it is not nearly as intense as I imagined it might be and most of the time, rather than cause frustration, it makes me laugh (which makes Alexis laugh and because, Alexis and I are laughing, Lily joins in as well. . . .have I mentioned that Alexis is also very easily "diffused"? A quality I hope she passes on to several of her other siblings!).

Honestly, other than the normal stresses and difficulties of the "adjustment period," things are going beautifully and we feel SO blessed that Alexis is part of our family! As we begin to settle in as a family of 10, we will also be switching gears once again as we prepare to add children 9 and 10 to the family. So, stay tuned because, as I am sure you have all come to expect, more adventures with the Rieben family await :-)

Our fabulous friend, Keely (who took care of our kids during the day while I was in Bulgaria for my first AND last trips) was kind enough to take most of these pictures for us. All of the amazing hats in the pictures were lovingly handmade by Keely for EVERY member of our family! Once she gets her Etsy store up and running, I'll share all the details with you! Her creations are worth every penny!

She's NUTS!

Yep, it's official! This girl is certifiably NUTS! Which means that she is going to fit right in with the rest of the family!

Last night, as we were leaving the hotel restaurant after dinner, Alexis asked the waiter "Who made the food?" He told her that the chef had made the food and asked Alexis if she would like to meet her. Alexis said yes, of course, and we went back to the kitchen to meet the chef.

We went back down to the restaurant for dinner tonight and, as we finished our meal, Alexis asked the waiter (a different one tonight) if she could speak with the chef. The waiter agreed and we went back to the kitchen to say hello and Alexis told the chef that she had enjoyed her salad and shared the events of the day with her. She obviously made an impression because, shortly after we had returned to our table, the waiter emerged from the kitchen with complimentary cake for each of us from the chef (and it was YUMMY)!

We made three more visits to the kitchen before we headed back up to our room this evening :-) And Alexis learned about ice, tried some cooked squash (also complimentary. . and she gobbled it up) and insisted that she "call" her daddy on the kitchen phone!

As we were preparing to leave, two German gentlemen (whom she had introduced herself to last night at dinner) came down to have dinner and Alexis hurried over to tell them about her day and that she had gotten to eat cake (they speak German and English, but no Bulgarian so I translate for everyone!). She then proceeded to do "Cheers" with them. . .over and over and over again!

Throughout the evening Alexis would call to the waiter and demand things of him (have I mentioned that she is BOSSY!?) such as, "I want to listen to music," "I need to speak with the chef," "Bring me some fries," etc. He was such a good sport (though I actually suspect that she had him wrapped completely around her finger ) and I made sure to tip him well!

This girl has SO much life and personality. She keeps me constantly entertained! I marvel at how well she is adjusting to the major changes in her life and how smoothly she is already adjusting. Having adopted four children prior to Alexis, I firmly believe, at this point, that this is the "calm before the storm" with her, but I think that her transition into her new life will go very smoothly in comparison to some of our other children.

Having observed her in her orphanage with the other children there on several ocassions (and also many children this week), I have come to the conclusion that she was likely the "top dog" in the group of children she lived with. She is used to being able to tell people what to do, to acquire the toys that she is interested in when she is interested in them, etc. without the objection of others. That is going to change when she gets home and I think this is where she will struggle the most. We have MANY strong personalities in our family and I can already tell you that they will NOT tolerate being bossed around, having toys taken from them, etc.

I am especially grateful that we have had the opportunity to spend time with other children this week and I have had a chance to observe her interactions with them because it has definitely given me a chance to prepare for the challenges that lie ahead.

Lily has had many of these same struggles (as I mentioned before, many children from orphanages have no concept of personal property since everything at the orphanage is usually community property and the children have no personal possessions), but she has made HUGE strides in this area and I know that Alexis will too.

Although Alexis can be bossy and has a difficult time with sharing and understanding personal property, she is a very compassionate little girl. She may struggle with sharing toys, but she ALWAYS shares her food. In fact, she will usually offer what she has to others first, before she eats anything herself. She is also very concerned when others are upset and is quick to respond with hugs/kisses and words of affirmation.

She still pushes her boundaries often, but she is quickly learning that mommy is in charge and that it is important to listen to what mommy says. Although I don't worry as much about attachment issues with her, I came to the conclusion today (after observing her with Toni's brother, Marty) that we will still need to limit interactions with other adults until she is firmly attached to mommy and daddy. While we were at the Embassy for her visa interview today, Marty was playing with her (he is SO great with the kids) and after awhile she started hugging and kissing him, asking him to hold her and to sit on his lap and, eventually, even calling him daddy. Marty, of course, corrected her and told her it was time to go and sit with mommy, but it definitely reinforced to me the importance of Richard and I being the primary caregivers and the primary adult interaction that she has until she is firmly attached and understands that WE are her mommy and daddy (a concept which is still foreign). We will get there, but we will have to be vigilant in order to help her to learn to form healthy attachments.

I feel SO blessed to have Alexis in our family. She is a shining star and she keeps me smiling (and on my toes!). She is such a "perfect fit" and it just reminds me that, each and every one of the children in our family has been hand-picked by our Heavenly Father to be part of this family!

Good friends, great fun!

Alexis and I were up bright and early this morning (though not as early as yesterday thank goodness) so we could prepare for a fun-filled day with friends. Our friend, Fiona (whose husband works for the Embassy), invited us to spend the day with her family, which included a play date at her friend Cindy's home.

We took a taxi to Cindy's home and spent the morning making crafts, playing with friends, and enjoying a wonderful lunch that Cindy had prepared. I had a great time getting to know Cindy and Fiona and Alexis (though a little shy at first) enjoyed playing with all of the kids.

Alexis LOVES to take pictures. Here she is with Fiona's camera. I am sure there are some interesting pictures to be found there!

With rooms full of toys, the kids decided to move into the bathroom where the shower was quickly transformed into a space ship. Here is Bran, Alexis, Nuala and William ready to blast off!

Alexis in the "space ship"

After lunch Alexis and I went with Fiona back to their home in Dragalevtsi (which is literally at the foot of Mt. Vitosha) where we enjoyed more great food and fun with friends. I have been stalking Fiona's blog since shortly after returning home with the girls this summer, and living vicariously through her and her family as they travel the world, and it was such a privilege to spend the day getting to know Fiona and her amazing kids (who I absolutely ADORE), Bran and Nuala (4 year-old twins) and Maeve (11 months). I am SO glad we had this opportunity to spend time with them! We had such a great time that I was sad to leave at the end of the day!

Bran, Alexis and Nuala on the boat swing! So much fun!

LOVE this picture of Alexis and Bran! Fiona, how do you feel about arranged marriages!? I absolutely adore this boy. . . even if he does think I'm a "bad guy" ;-)

Alexis and Nuala playing with Play-doh. Nuala is such a sweetheart and was so nice to Alexis all day, even when that kindness was not reciprocated.

The past few days have been filled with new people, places and things for Alexis but she has done surprisingly well adjusting to all of the changes in her life. Like Alayna, she is somewhat of an "orphanage prodigy" in the sense that she does not display many of the orphanage behaviors commonly seen in adopted children. The only self-soothing behavior I have seen is thumb sucking at night (she does not rock herself AT ALL), she is appropriately shy around new people and in new places, preferring to be right by my side until she feels comfortable in her environment (and even then, not straying far from me). Though she does want to eat CONSTANTLY, she generally eats small amounts and is content to save the rest for later. The most prominent "orphanage behavior" I have observed is her lack of the concept of personal property. If she wants something, she takes it, because, at the orphanage, all toys, clothes, etc. were community property. The children did not have any personal belongings and so the idea that a toy actually belongs to someone is completely foreign to her. We have had this same issue with Lily, but she is learning quickly, and I am sure that Alexis will too. Let's put it this way, with 8 kids, it is hard not to learn about personal property and the importance of sharing!


While Alexis does not display many of the common orphanage behaviors, she IS starting to push her boundaries with me and has had to learn the hard way on several occasions today, that it is important to listen to mama (the language barrier is not an issue most of the time because I speak enough Bulgarian to understand her and for her to understand me). She responds to discipline well however and I think that it has actually worked to strengthen our bonds of attachment (and, although it is still early, at this point I am not concerned about attachment issues with Alexis. . .she is VERY much attached to mama at this point and, although daddy is not here right now, she misses him fiercely and talks about and looks at his pictures constantly).

While we were waiting for our food at the hotel restaurant this evening, Alexis decided to get up and dance to the music that was playing to pass this time. I'll be sure to post the video tomorrow!

Alexis is truly a gift. She is such a vibrant, fun and happy girl. I have had such a great time with her this week and am grateful for the opportunity that I have had to spend this one-on-one time with her.

My tiny Bulgarian firecracker

Tomorrow morning is Alexis' medical appointment and her visa interview at the Embassy. As long as everything goes according to plan, we should have her passport and visa by Friday and will be on the first flight out of Sofia on Saturday morning. While we have greatly enjoyed our time here, both of us are excited to get home to our family!