Friday, June 12, 2009

Holding Pattern

I can still vividly remember our last flight home from Ukraine. I had been traveling off and on for over 8 weeks and, as I sat, looking out the window, with a perfectly beautiful little Ukrainian boy on my lap, it seemed almost surreal that this journey was drawing to a close (although I would soon realize that the real journey was only just beginning). I could visualize my family waiting for us at the end of the terminal with wide smiles and outstretched arms and I could picture all five of our children finally together.

I heard the pilot's voice over the loud speaker and I was pulled from my thoughts. My heart began to race as he announced our final descent. We were so close to the finish line.

As the minutes ticked by I began to notice that we were flying in circles. The captain's voice was heard once again, this time announcing that, due to high traffic, we had been asked to delay our descent. We were in a holding pattern.

I looked out my window and I could see the city below. Our final destination. So close, but suddenly so far away. My husband was down there and my children. Our happy ending. Our adventurous beginning. Suddenly the whirlwind of emotions that had been building up inside of me for the past 8 weeks reached the surface and I felt the hot tears finally spill over, soaking my cheeks and the top of my sweet little boy's head.

When the air traffic had cleared and it was safe for us to land, the captain once again announced our final descent. Within minutes we were on the ground. Finally home where we belonged. The reunion was grander than I could have ever imagined. Seeing my family waiting at the end of the terminal, hearing the squeals of joy from my sweet children and feeling my husband's strong arms around me brought indescribable joy. We were home. ALL of us.

Once again, we find ourselves in a holding pattern. Our goal is in sight, but we are waiting for permission to begin our descent to our final destination. The wait has been incredibly difficult. Sometimes it is hard to look out the window and see how close we are, at the same time knowing that we are still a hundred miles away. At the same time, we know that, our view is limited. "Air traffic control" can see the big picture and we know that they will lead us safely to our destination when the way is clear and the time is right.

We are still waiting for our agency to receive the files of the girls we have requested (in addition to the two girls we originally requested (one of whom has been matched with another family (we still do not know which one), we have also requested the files of two additional little girls (both age 7). Our Bulgarian facilitator as well as members of the Ministry of Justice are working very hard in our behalf and we are all hopeful that we will receive the files soon. While the wait has been difficult and emotionally taxing, we know that our Heavenly Father is in control and that He sees the big picture. His timing will be perfect for each and every one of us, our girls included and by His hand, we will safely reach our final destination.


Shelley said...

I understand!
We're being held up by the state.
But, we're also praying over what God would have us do in regards to bringing home a 2nd(or rather 4th!) little boy. While it seems easy, it has not been!
I don't know what God's plan is. But, I am sure ready to be moving forward and acting on it!!!!

Anonymous said...

You are such an inspiration! Thanks for sharing your feeling and eternal perspective! I think we feel this way in so many aspects of our lives.

Anonymous said...

Val, our family is also in a holding pattern. Our situations are completely different, but the emotions are the same. I just wanted to tell you that we understand! Hang in there, you are such an inspiration to the rest of us!

Marc, Julia & Cole said...

I completely relate to this post. It's very difficult when your stuck hanging in limbo, and all of the unknowns that exist can be quite overwhelming most days. But we both know the joy that could be waiting for us at the end of our journey, too. I pray we all have reason to celebrate the joy soon:) Sincerely, Julia.